I had an Early Bird Registration today for my school. Had five brand new students register. One returning. But four of those new students are directly from the advertising I asked the board for back in January and my own networking. That is so exciting. I feel like I've actually done something.
But on the other hand, there are four other students that I know are coming to the school next year. Why didn't they come tonight? Don't they want the discount? I'm scared they've changed their minds. But why would they do that?
But I'm trying not to think that could happen. Should prepare for it I guess. But it looks like I really am going to have enough students next year. I won't lose my job. The school won't close while I'm the teacher (at least this year). I've been so worried about that. God's reminding me that He really is the One in control and I can't fix everything. Even though I'd love to.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
do you ever feel like
you suck at your job? I consistently feel that way. It's all so new and mind-blowing, every day. I've learned so much this year about being a teacher, about connecting with my kids, about planning ahead, about making a difference, about being perfect.
I'm a perfectionist. If you were to look at my desk or my room, you might disagree. And that stuff bothers me. But not to the extent other things do. Like correct spelling and actually making an effort at punctuation. I want my food to be perfect. Do you know how long I stressed over the teen banquet this summer? And most people think I'm crazy when I rattle of that menu (I can't remember the whole thing anymore if that tells you how much I had). But it fit the theme perfectly. And most of the girls thought I was crazy not to have Sysco back last summer, but really, quality produce wins over extremely hot delivery guy.
So this is why when I don't meet my expectations at teaching, I feel upset. I'm not saying this for a pity party. Seriously. Don't leave a comment about how great a teacher I am because 96% of you have never seen me teach. (I'm really not trying to be cranky, promise) But I started to realize that I can't be perfect at everything.
I have a perfectionist student. She wants there to be no wrinkles on the paper, will start completely over if she makes a mistake and asks me all the time if what she's doing is okay. Obvisously insecure, so I can't not give her the praise she craves, because this child seriously needs it. But I figured I'd be subtle and put up a quote: "The artist who aims at perfection in everything, achieves it in nothing." E. Delacroix.
I put it up for her, but then started realizing I'd (well, actually God, because I'm sure He's been trying to get this through my brain) played a joke on myself. I'm not going to be perfect at teaching the first year. Not ever actually, as much as that grates my soul. I'll get better. But really it's God's job. So I've been praying about it more (sorry it took so long, God). And guess what?!??! It's not so stressful. Even crazy last week with the pageant. I felt peace even through the mayhem.
And today, which was what got me started thinking, I got an incredible compliment. Z, one of my older students, asked me an interesting question, completely off topic and definitely with a hidden agenda behind it. I gave him the answer and I tried to get him to elaborate on why he was asking but he didn't really want to. It seemed personal. All he would say was, "I just thought I'd ask my teacher, who knows everything." It was a bit facetious in tone (had to stay cool in front of his buddies), but his eyes told me he meant it. He knew he could trust me to give him a straight answer, to treat him like an adult.
And that's why I do this crazy, fun job. I might not get the lesson plans down right or remember to lock all the windows every night or to take care of all the paper work a principal has to. But I can make a difference in the lives of my students when I allow God to work through me. And that's how I sleep at night, not worrying my perfectionist brain.
I posted this elsewhere almost a month ago. Thankfully I haven't felt like I suck for awhile. I've been focusing on letting God control my classroom. I came across this quote today (on my daily calendar):
"There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fill you with so much quail shot that you can't move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies."
~Robert Frost
Lately my kids have made me feel like the second. Which is amazing for this time of year. We have six days left. Six! How did that happen? But getting back to the real point. God is amazing. He even wants to help me do my job!
I'm a perfectionist. If you were to look at my desk or my room, you might disagree. And that stuff bothers me. But not to the extent other things do. Like correct spelling and actually making an effort at punctuation. I want my food to be perfect. Do you know how long I stressed over the teen banquet this summer? And most people think I'm crazy when I rattle of that menu (I can't remember the whole thing anymore if that tells you how much I had). But it fit the theme perfectly. And most of the girls thought I was crazy not to have Sysco back last summer, but really, quality produce wins over extremely hot delivery guy.
So this is why when I don't meet my expectations at teaching, I feel upset. I'm not saying this for a pity party. Seriously. Don't leave a comment about how great a teacher I am because 96% of you have never seen me teach. (I'm really not trying to be cranky, promise) But I started to realize that I can't be perfect at everything.
I have a perfectionist student. She wants there to be no wrinkles on the paper, will start completely over if she makes a mistake and asks me all the time if what she's doing is okay. Obvisously insecure, so I can't not give her the praise she craves, because this child seriously needs it. But I figured I'd be subtle and put up a quote: "The artist who aims at perfection in everything, achieves it in nothing." E. Delacroix.
I put it up for her, but then started realizing I'd (well, actually God, because I'm sure He's been trying to get this through my brain) played a joke on myself. I'm not going to be perfect at teaching the first year. Not ever actually, as much as that grates my soul. I'll get better. But really it's God's job. So I've been praying about it more (sorry it took so long, God). And guess what?!??! It's not so stressful. Even crazy last week with the pageant. I felt peace even through the mayhem.
And today, which was what got me started thinking, I got an incredible compliment. Z, one of my older students, asked me an interesting question, completely off topic and definitely with a hidden agenda behind it. I gave him the answer and I tried to get him to elaborate on why he was asking but he didn't really want to. It seemed personal. All he would say was, "I just thought I'd ask my teacher, who knows everything." It was a bit facetious in tone (had to stay cool in front of his buddies), but his eyes told me he meant it. He knew he could trust me to give him a straight answer, to treat him like an adult.
And that's why I do this crazy, fun job. I might not get the lesson plans down right or remember to lock all the windows every night or to take care of all the paper work a principal has to. But I can make a difference in the lives of my students when I allow God to work through me. And that's how I sleep at night, not worrying my perfectionist brain.
I posted this elsewhere almost a month ago. Thankfully I haven't felt like I suck for awhile. I've been focusing on letting God control my classroom. I came across this quote today (on my daily calendar):
"There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fill you with so much quail shot that you can't move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies."
~Robert Frost
Lately my kids have made me feel like the second. Which is amazing for this time of year. We have six days left. Six! How did that happen? But getting back to the real point. God is amazing. He even wants to help me do my job!
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